Not THAT Class! The Class from the Black Lagoon by Mike Thaler

Who knows the fear that lurks in the heart of teachers before the first day of school?

It's the first day of school and I have a class coming in one hour. I heard that they put their last three teachers into early retirement!

The scuttlebutt in the teachers' lounge is that they all have two noses--the better for picking. They are world class at making spitballs... and excuses.

"My grandma ate my homework!"

They love art supplies, especially snacking on the crayons and colored chalks. But their best talent seems to be making noise.

They only come to school when they have contagious diseases.

They enjoy art and writing, but only on their desks!

Mrs. Green suits up in her crash helmet and all the protective equipment she can borrow from hockey goalies. She's as ready as she'll ever be! Finally her class enters the classroom.

WOW! They are all cheery and each one has only one nose!

Her jolly pupils greet her with flowers and apples. Some of the apples have several bites out of them already, but who's counting!

And another school year begins, in this one from the teacher's side of the desk, in The Class from the Black Lagoon (Cartwheel/Scholastic) in Mike Thaler's monster hit series beginning with The Teacher from the Black Lagoon, illustrated in appropriately wild kid-pleasing style by artist Jared Lee, also well known for his silly, scratchy illustrations for Lucille Colandro's seasonal staples, There Was An Old Lady series. There are plenty of titles in this popular and hilarious series to keep kids reading through summer vacation.

Taking Pen In Hand.... A Letter to My Teacher by Deborah Hopkinson

"Dear Teacher,

Whenever I had something to tell you, I tugged on your shirt and whispered in your ear. This time I am writing a letter.

I hope you remember me... I wore a bright yellow raincoat and a dark, stormy frown--because for me, school meant sitting still and listening, two things I wasn't much good at."

Her teacher probably does remember her.

She's one of those "exasperating" students, the one who blurts out odd stuff without raising her hand, gets lost on field trips, gets wet and dirty at recess, and with calculated silliness sabotages silent reading time, the one who loudly begs to take care of the class mice for the Thanksgiving holidays, where they become her cat's dinner instead.

But in her letter, the girl recalls the way her teacher seems to understand, calling her an intrepid explorer, enlisting her love for mud in digging the "first ever" second-grade garden, and getting her to enjoy reading with a book about a famous woman explorer who was "just like her." And by the end of the year the girl realizes how much she has learned and those things she will never forget.

Most of us grownups would like to write our old teachers a letter--the great ones, the good ones, the ones that did they best they could, and even the not-so-good ones--those who showed us the way to be (and the way not to be) along the way. Deborah Hopkinson's epistolary picture book, A Letter to My Teacher (Schwartz and Wade, 2017) takes us adults back to second grade and perhaps gives current primary students a little insight into what their teachers are trying to do to reach and teach all their students. Nancy Carpenter's illustrations are sensitive and low-key, matching the tone of the text. This is another fine book to read at the end of the year, along with Mrs. McBee Leaves Room 3 (see review here). Says Kirkus Reviews, "A valuable lesson in empathy, internalized and paid forward."

Moving On Up! The Very Fairy Princess by Julia Andrews and Emma Walton Hamilton

Hello, hello! I am Gerry. I'm a Very Fairy Princess. I try not to brag about it too much. (But my wings and crown give me away a bit.)

A special occasion is just around the corner. It's the end of the school year, and...

It's graduation time!

Gerry loves a special occasion, one that shows off her sparkle, but the last days of school begin to dim her glimmer. The class's work and paintings come down, the cubbies are cleared of all their personal things, and their room looks empty. It's not their room anymore.

Gerry realizes that Miss Pym, who didn't mind her wearing her wings and crown to school every day, will no longer be her teacher. Their class pet, Houdini the hamster, will be some other class's pet. Miss Pym says they are ready to move on, but Gerry is not ready. She doesn't even know if there will be a class pet next year. She doesn't even know who her teacher will be.

And then Gerry learns her new teacher's name--Mr. Bonario.

 MISTER Bonario? Our new teacher is a MAN?

He'll never believe I am a Very Fairy Princess!

Visions of a stern schoolmaster and herself in a drab school uniform, without wings or crown, fill Gerry's head. Sadly but loyally she helps Miss Pym make the room ready for a new class and practices the class song. Gerry tries to remind herself that a fairy princess is a team player.

Her spirits revive a little when she tries on the tasseled graduation hat and gown, but then a sad thought hits her. What if her new teacher won't let her wear her crown and wings? What if he insists on calling her Geraldine?

"Oh, puh-LEEZ!" groaned her brother Stewart.

On the big day, Gerry bravely puts on her blue robe. But how is she going to wear graduation hat and a crown? Mom comes to the rescue and pins the crown securely to the top of her blue mortarboard.

At last the class marches past their proud parents onto the stage. They sing, and then Mr. Higginbotham declares them graduated to the next grade.

Everyone applauds, and we throw our hats onto the air!

Oh, No! MY CROWN! It flies off my hat and sails over the audience!

A hand reaches up to snatch it!

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, in Julia Andrews' and Emma Hamilton's latest in series, The Very Fairy Princess: Graduation Girl! (Little, Brown and Company, 2017), but clever kids will already be guessing just who makes that heroic catch of Gerry's crown. He's a pretty cool guy, and one look at his polka-dot socks makes Gerry think Mr. Bonario is the kind of teacher who is going to appreciate some special sparkle in his classroom. With the help of artist Christine Davenier, who portrays Gerry's every mood with just the right emotion and elan, author Andrews' and Hamilton's new story captures just the right touch of both nostalgia and sparkle for the last days of school. "Andrews's and Hamilton's heroine continues to charm," says Publisher's Weekly.

Back To School: I Will Never Get a Star on Mrs. Benson's Blackboard by Jennifer K. Mann

MRS. BENSON GIVES STARS FOR STUFF LIKE SPELLING OR NEATNESS OR RAISING YOUR HAND AND SAYING THE RIGHT ANSWER.

NOT FOR DOODLING AND DAYDREAMING.

Mrs. Benson is clearly a stickler. She wears pointy shoes and pointy glasses through which she seems to look down her long nose at Rosie, a doodling, dreaming, and drawing-in-the-margins kind of girl.

Rosie knows she's not the star-by-her-name type, but she still longs to please her teacher. One day during math she's sure she knows the right answer. She raises her hand and goes to the board to do the problem.

3 + 2 =5

But Rose hadn't started listening soon enough. Mrs. Benson writes the problem she wanted on the board.

3 + 0 - 2 = 1

No star for Rosie for math.

She tries again in reading. She goes politely to the front of the class and starts to read the story aloud.

But not aLOUD enough! No reading star for Rosie.

Rose is disappointed. But then the class is visited by an artist named Mr. Sullivan. Rosie pays perfect attention as he tells them all about how he created his artwork.

I WAS STILL THINKING ABOUT IT WHEN I SERVED THE SNACKS...

WHOOPS!

The snacks and juice cups wind up on Mrs. Benson's desk and lap. No star for Rose for being a good classroom helper, either.

To make things even worse, Mrs. Benson decides that today is the day to inspect everyone's desks.

She looks inside Alan's desk and pulls out a forgotten bologna sandwich. EWWW! Jodi's desk is even worse, with a wad of used tissues. ICKKK!

Rosie knows hers is worse! But then, she gets lucky!

THEN THE BELL RANG. "CLOSE CALL, HUH, ROSIE?" SAID MRS. BENSON. "I'LL LOOK AT YOURS TOMORROW."

Rosie is there early to clean her desk until it is spotless and neat, inside and out.

But then, Mrs. Benson gives each of them a great assignment--to design a personal thank-you card for Mr. Sullivan. Rose is inspired. She sketches, paints, cuts, collages, glues, and make a very special card. But she and her tidy desk are both a mess again. But Mrs. Benson smiles.

ROSE, YOU ARE A TRUE ARTIST -- LIKE MR. SULLIVAN!

And Rose gets to give herself--AND Mrs. Benson--special hand-drawn exploding stars, in Jennifer K. Mann's I Will Never Get a Star on Mrs. Benson's Blackboard. And for her delightful artwork and well-paced storytelling, Publishers Weekly give author Mann a star, too--a starred review, adding "Mann, in her second book as both author and illustrator, works with assurance as she puts her jittery ink line and layered washes of color to work in the service of both emotional vulnerability and schoolroom slapstick without missing a beat."

Back to School: My New Teacher and Me by Al Yankovic

"The first day of school--it was finally here!

I wondered who'd be my new teacher this year...."

Billy is back, but instead of the first-day jitters, he's gung-ho for school to start.

But the schoolroom scene is not propitious.

RULES are posted everywhere. Each desk has a personal list of rules taped to it. And when Mr. Booth enters, with fractions on his mind, it is obvious that he's a up-tight stickler for doing things his way. The first object for his attention is Billy's shirt.

"You, young man! What's that filth on your shirt? You can't come to my classroom all covered with dirt?"

"Hi! Nice to meet you, sir! Billy's the name.

Say, a funny thing happened before the bus came."

And Billy launches into a far-fetched account of s before-school dig to China, finding a dinosaur skull, and on and on.

Mr. Booth is not amused.

"I don't tolerate nonsense--no, no, not one degree.
"Your story sound unlikely to me."

"Oh, of course, it's unlikely" I said. "Oh, by far!
The awesomest things in the world often are."

Enthusiastically, Billy continues with preposterous accounts of two-headed cows, blueberry muffin trees, neighing poodles, and squids turning themselves inside out. The class is amused. Mr. Booth clearly is not.

So Billy halts his tall tale and reverts to a bit of platitude pitching.

"Well, Sir, you know...

I'll bet every great thing and leader we've got

Could see all kinds of things other people could not."

Hmmmph! Billy is summarily dismissed for insubordination right to the principle's office, but as he goes out the door something falls out of his bookbag, and when Mr. Booth picks it up  he sees that it's inscribed to him, a photo of Billy--with a two-headed cow. Suddenly, Mr. Booth is forced to recalculate his assessment of his new student.

Al Yankovic (Weird Al Yankovic, nicknamed in the seventies for his socially spoofy songs) has his hero Billy dealing with the first day of school in his latest, My New Teacher and Me! (Harper, 2013), a super-strict new teacher tale filled with perky couplets and spiffy wordplay that may ease the transition for new scholars, who may also be forewarned to pack photographic evidence of any summer tall tales they bring to their "What I Did This Summer" essays. Wesley Hargis' illustrations have great comic fun with Billy's far-fetched verbal flights, making this one a kid-pleasing first-day-of-school treat.

For more farcical fun, pair this one with Weird Al's first Billy story, When I Grow Up. Or reach for and even weirder teacher tale, Chris Gall's hilarious Substitute Creacher (read my review here).

School Days: Olivia and the Best Teacher Ever by Ilanit Oliver

"GOOD MORNING, CLASS!" SAID MRS. HOGGENMULLER. "I WOULD LIKE YOU TO WELCOME SOMEONE WHO IS JOINING OUR US FOR THE DAY."

EVERYONE LOOKED UP, EAGER TO MEET THEIR MYSTERY GUEST.

"THIS IS MRS. STERN," MRS. HOGGENMULLER SAID.

"I'M PICKING THE BEST TEACHER TO WIN THE CITY'S BEST TEACHER OF THE YEAR AWARD," ANNOUNCED MRS. STERN SERIOUSLY.

That gets the class's attention. Everyone thinks Mrs. H. is the best teacher ever, and they resolve to be the best class ever--at least for the day. As the excited class learns, the winning teacher gets his or her picture on the side of every school bus in town!

But Mrs. Stern's evaluation visit doesn't go as smoothly as the kids hope. Mrs. Hoggenmuller's story puts the evaluator in a snooze, and during art, as Olivia makes a reflexive move to keep Daisy from spraying paint on the visitor, she knocks the terrarium over, releasing the class's pet frog, Hopper, who finds refuge from the clamor on top of Mrs. Stern's head. Mrs. Stern is now wide awake, but not pleased.

Mrs. Hoggenmuller can forget about the Best Teacher Award for this year! Her picture is NOT going to be plastered on the sides of buses if Mrs. Stern has anything to say about it!

Olivia racks her brain. What can the class do to make it up to the hard-working and deserving Mrs. Hoggenmuller?

Ian Falconer's famous pig-girl with attitude comes through again with a winning idea in OLIVIA and the Best Teacher Ever, (Simon Spotlight, 2012), adapted by Shane L. Johnson and Ilanit Oliver. Back-to-school time wouldn't be the same without the ever-clever Olivia and her lively classmates and and of course the ever-ready Mrs. Hoggenmuller.

Sub Flubs: Peanut Butter and Homework Sandwiches by Lisa Broadie Cook

It's Monday, and all Martin MacGregor wanted to do was go to school.

Mr. Elliott was the coolest teacher ever, and this was the day he was going to bring in his pet, Harriet the Tarantula.

Mr. Elliott is just too cool for school, and Martin MacGregor makes sure he arrives at his classroom door nice and early to please his wonderful teacher.

But that's not Mr. Elliott at his desk. It's a substitute, aptly named Mrs. Payne, whose style turns out to be definitely old school. School is suddenly not cool, and at the end of the day, she piles on the homework!

But Martin is a good student and he doesn't want to disappoint Mr. Elliott with bad marks when he returns, so he goes straight home and tackles his mountain of homework. Just as he is almost finished with his math problems, he has an attack of the munchies and returns to his desk with a thick peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Disaster strikes. The gloppy jam escapes its boundaries and a big blob lands right on Martin's math paper. And when Martin hurries back with a wet paper towel to try to salvage his work, he finds his dog Sadie has already, er, cleaned up the spill.

"Sadie! You didn't just eat the peanut butter--you ate the whole paper," yelled Martin.

"This gives a whole new meaning to 'the dog ate my homework!'"

Mrs. Payne is neither amused nor pleased with Martin's true tale, and he has to stay in at recess and do his math homework all over again.

Things go downhill from there. The next day, as soon as Martin gets home, his mom hustles him out of his jeans to fill out her laundry load, and his forgotten spelling paper comes out all faded and stiff. Mrs. Payne finds that unacceptable also, and Martin misses another recess while he does a redo. The next day Martin's little sister mistakenly takes his backpack, with his carefully completed and unlaundered homework to school with her, and Martin winds up with a backpack full of nothing but a doll named Miss Nettie belonging to his sibling. More recess redos.

Even Mother Nature is out to get him. When he carefully hand-carries his homework to school the next day, the wind blows two pages onto the school roof.

"I learned that homework on the roof didn't count with Mrs. Payne," Martin says ruefully, as he spends another recess on a two-page redo.

Homework seems hopeless. Martin complains and his dad suggests that he make up his own assignment and offers his computer for Martin to research any topic he wants to write about. Martin is delighted, and all weekend he works on a report on tarantulas. If he can't have Harriet in his classroom, at least he can know all about her and make his own model of her at home.

But substitutes don't stay forever, and when the next Monday rolls around, Mr. Elliott, broken arm in a sling, is back, along with the promised Harriet, and a new assignment--to find out everything the class can about tarantulas. The student with the best report is going to get to take Harriet home for the weekend! This time Martin is ahead of the game!

"I wonder how my mom and sister will feel about a weekend guest?" Martin grinned.

In Lisa Brodie Cook's newest Martin MacGregor story, Peanut Butter and Homework Sandwiches (G. P. Putnam's Sons, 2011), perseverance pays off, even when luck seems to abandon our poor scholar. Jack Davis's comic illustrations add a lot to the fun of this bad-luck back-to-school story.