Corsairs' Christmas: A Pirate's Night Before Christmas by Philip Yates

'Twas the night before Christmas aboard the Black Sark.
Not a creature was stirrin', not even a shark!

The stockin's were stuck to the bowsprit with tar,
In hopes that Sir Peggedy soon would be thar.

The pirates were snoozin' like pigs in thar beds,
While visions of treasure chests danced in thar heads.

Spoofing Clement C. Moore's trusty old standard has become a popular indoor sport during the Santa season, and Philip Yates' new A Pirate's Night Before Christmas is a welcome addition to the caricatures of Christmas lore out there.

Yates builds on the current pirate mania with a sprightly parody of a privateer's holiday eve, narrated by the ship's boy who reports the events from his late-night lookout in the crow's nest. As he keeps the watch and hopes for a Christmas Eve visit from the seafarer's saint, the boy sees a curious barnacled sleigh drawn by giant sea horses emerge from the foam and land nimbly on deck.

More sluggish than flounders his coursers they came.
And he whistled and snarled and called them by name.

Now Salty, now Scurvy, now Sinbad and Molly.
On Cutthroat, on Cross-Eyes, on Roger and Jolly!

With a hearty "Avast," the boy rouses the crew, and they realize that their invader must indeed be the longed-for Sir Peg.

His eye--how it twinkled! His dreadlocks how twiny.
His scars were like crossbones, his gold tooth how shiny!

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his sack,
An' stuffed all the stockin's with coins and hardtack.

A cauldron for Cook filled with pieces of shank,
An' just for the Cap'n a shiny new plank.

But the ship's boy despairs of his own Christmas swag as Sir Peggedy urges his coursers into the air again, until the old sea dog shows he has something up his sleeve besides his hook.

Then just when I thought it's me worst Christmas Day,
A parchment of paper flew down off the sleigh.

An' it was the best present I ever got,
A map to a treasure--X marks the spot!

But I heard him exclaim 'ere he splashed 'neath the stars,
"Merry Christmas, me buckos, an' a Happy New Yaarrgghhhhhhh!"

Kids will love A Pirate's Night Before Christmas instantly, but this book has possibilities for grownups as well. Just imagine an improvised costumed reading of this new classic at your next Christmas party! Break out the grog, practice up on yer "Yaarrrrs" and repeat after me: "Now Salty, Now Scurvy, Now Sinbad and Molly. On Cutthroat, On Cross-Eyes, On Roger and Jolly!" A shipshape pirate's glossary is appended to help inventive poets contrive their own salty verses with buccaneer lingo like "poop deck" and "cackle fruit." This new lampoon leaps into its merry place with seasonal burlesques such as Trosclair's Cajun Night Before Christmas (Night Before Christmas Series), Noel Thomas' Hillbilly Night Afore Christmas (Night Before Christmas Series), and their many fellow spoofers.

Hang High the Holly: A Pirate's Twelve Days of Christmas by Philip Yates

'TWAS ON THE EVE OF YULETIDE

WHERE A SHIP SAILED THROUGH THE NIGHT.
ACROSS THE DARK AND BRINY DEEP
BENEATH THE STARS SO BRIGHT.

"AHOY, ME MATES!" THE CAP'N ROARED.
"'TIS TIME TO PLUNDER WRECKS--
EXCEPT FER YE, ME CABIN BOY--
YE'LL STAY AND SWAB THE DECKS."

The long-suffering cabin boy of the pirate ship Black Sark can't seem to catch a Christmas break. It's almost Yuletide, time for jolly ol' Sir Peggedy's annual visit, and all Cap'n has to say is "ARRGH! HUMBUG!"

But when our favorite swabby awakes the next morning, there's a surprise that brings a strangely familiar song to his lips, for on deck he finds

A PARROT IN A PALM TREE!

And the gifting continues for the next eleven days. Each day amazing items appear--two cutlasses, three black cats, four cacklin' hens, five chests of gold. There are Jolly Rogers, dolphins swimmin', mermaids singin', sloops a-sailin', swallows a-swoopin', and finally twelve pirates cheerin'! The piratical crew confesses that they have provided all the items in their song as their YARRful Yule gifts. And anchors aweigh, but there's jolly ol' Sir Peggedy hisself landin' on deck fer the big celebration.

Avast, all ye yulelubbers! Even grizzled marauders love to make merry, and Philip Yate's newest, A Pirate's Twelve Days of Christmas (Sterling) 2012), counts the days down to Christmas in briny, brawny buccaneer style. With its vivid, swirling illustrations by Sebastian Serra and its "Pirate Glossary," appended, all those landlubbin' mateys and hearties can weigh anchor and sail off with a new buccaneer carol for the holiday season. A perfect script for a primary-grade holiday production, this parody of the old song also pairs well with Yates' best-selling A Pirate's Night Before Christmas. (See my review here.)

Can't Sink Me! The Gingerbread Pirates by Kristing Kladstrup

It was Christmas and Jim and Mother were making gingerbread men.

"Let's make a pirate crew," said Jim, and so they did.

The Captain had a gingerbread cutlass and a peg leg made from a toothpick. Jim loved him best of all.

"You'd better leave some pirates out for Santa Claus to eat," said his mother.

"NOT Captain Cookie!" said Jim.

But upstairs, propped in the place of honor by Jim's bed, Captain Cookie begins to worry about his crew downstairs.

"Where's my crew?" he wondered. And who's this Santa Claus who wants to eat them?

Downstairs Captain Cookie finds two members of his crew, Dots and Wavy, adorning the tree, and dodges a mouse who nibbles the business end off of his cutlass. And then there's the threat of that "cannibal Santa Claus." Will he eat his whole crew, held captive in a large jarlike brig? With no cannons, a broken cutlass, and a disabled crew, what's a pirate captain to do?

But then a big man in a red suit appears and gives Captain Cookie what he wants most--a pirate ship and crew all his own under the tree. It's a yarr-y Christmas after all for the confused Captain Cookie and his perplexed but piquant pirate crew.

Kristin Kladstup's latest, The Gingerbread Pirates, (Candlewick, 2009) is just the thing to spice up your Yuletide story time this Christmas.

And for a Yule tale that will really get yer YARRRs out, there's always Philip Yates' clever and comical A Pirate's Night Before Christmas. My 2008 review of this corsair's Christmas yarrr-n can be seen here.