Life's Little Lessons: What To Do If An Elephant Stands On Your Foot by Michelle Robinson

IF AN ELEPHANT STANDS ON YOUR FOOT,

KEEP CALM.

PANICKING "WILL ONLY STARTLE IT.

"YEEOOOWWW!"

NEVER MIND.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

Going on safari can be hazardous to your health. If it's not one thing, it's another.

All tricked out in her Indiana Jones gear, our little adventuress can't seem to stick to the warnings of her somewhat stilted, stiff-upper-lip guide.

IN THE EVENT OF STARTLING ELEPHANTS, YOU WILL PROBABLY FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY RATHER QUICKLY.

TRY NOT TO.

RUNNING AWAY MAY ATTRACT TIGERS.

And heaven knows, no one needs that. One rain forest faux pas leads to another, as, unable to keep silent in the presence of a tiger, our girl's sneeze wakes up a rowdy rhino, and when she breaks protocol and climbs a tree, (I told you so!) she naturally meets up with giant snakes, and unable to stay perfectly still, she flees the trees, only to fall into a jungle pool where--oh, yes, as warned, there are crocodiles.

YOU NINNY!

There's no use calling for Crocodile Dundee; he's busy elsewhere, but perhaps a stray troop of manic monkeys are waiting in the wings for a dramatic rescue.

It's out of the frying pan and into the fire for our clueless little safari-goer in Michelle Robinson's new What To Do If An Elephant Stands On Your Foot (Dial Books, 2012). Peter R. Reynolds' peerless comic illustrations of one scary disaster after another are the perfect foil to Robinson's wry, veddy veddy British narration to this comic walk on the wild side, one tall tale of a trip readers will want to take again and again.

First, Catch the Mammoth! How to Wash a Woolly Mammoth by Michelle Robibnson

DOES YOUR WOOLLY MAMMOTH NEED A BATH?

YOU'LL HAVE TO PREPARE.

In an ingenious spoof of the pet care how-to book, author Michelle Robinson and artist Kate Hindley take on the task of primping this prehistoric pet with perfect straight-faced drollery as they lay out the steps. That first one, just prepping the bathtub, is not as easy as one might think.

(IF YOUR MAMMOTH IS THIRSTY, THIS MAY TAKE A WHILE.)

Wisely donning her rain gear, our girl watches while her pet's trunk siphons the water out of the tub and nonchalantly refills it until he (and it) is full. Only then does she move on to step two: adding bubble bath.

But now comes the really challenge--getting the soiled mammoth into the suds.  She tries a few tricks to move the mammoth toward the tub. Terrifying mask? Well-wielded broom? Heavy-duty crane? It's a stand-off!

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, THERE'S ALWAYS CAKE!

Once sloshing in the bubbly, there are a lots of mammoth parts to be shampooed, including a tummy that she dare not tickle! While she's got him steeped in shampoo, she can't resist shaping his shaggy mane into some interesting dos--mullet, comb-over, twirly twist? There's quite a variety of mammoth grooming aids at the ready, too--tusk whitening paste  and antibacterial hoof softener--but there's one big warning to keep in mind at all times: Don't get shampoo in the mammoth's eyes!

OOPS!

A mammoth with soap in his eyes just might wind up way up in a tree, in Michelle Robinson's latest cautionary critter care story, How to Wash a Woolly Mammoth (Henry Holt, 2013). As her stiff-upper-lip, oh-so-British heroine did in Robinson's 2012 book, What To Do If An Elephant Stands On Your Foot (see my review here),  our resourceful girl has a way to handle even that problem on her way to one pristine prehistoric pet pachyderm.  Robinson's clever lass, depicted in Kate Hindley's piquant pencil and watercolor wash illustrations, is on top of the situation at all times, and readers will wonder what wacky critter is coming in future attractions. As Publishers Weekly says "...a madcap story of pet care with sweetness at its core."