Friday, April 27, 2012

Or Dial 1-888-MOMHELP: M.O.M. (Mom Operating Manual) * by Doreen Cronin


Regardless of the type of mom you have, there are many things you can do to ensure many years of trouble-free operation.

The Daily Basics. The essentials for a highly functional mom are Sleep, Nutrition, Exercise, and Water, or SNEW for short.

To ensure peak performance, your mom needs eight hours of PEACEFUL, UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP each night. This will never happen, but it is important to set goals. Check your mom's sleeping area and REMOVE any of the following: Small Children, Pets, Sharp Metal Objects, Laundry, Cold Pizza. Remarkably, despite their size, moms can sleep on as little as three inches of bed. (Science has no explanation for this.) Your mom is not getting enough sleep if...

1) She has packed you a lunch of unsweetened cocoa and a raw egg.
2) She has crawled into the trunk of the car.
3) She is licking the bottom of her coffee cup.

Doreen Cronin's tongue-in-cheek M.O.M. (Mom Operating Manual) (Atheneum, 2011), drolly illustrated by Laura Cornell, has everything the savvy kid needs to know about mom-keeping--care and feeding (don't let her eat stuff found under the sofa cushions), exercise (weight training opportunities include lifting the sofa to find your homework, shoes, [fill in the blank]) and grooming (keep critical comments to yourself!).

And when the feared Mom Meltdown threatens, Cronin offers detailed instructions for the RESET of Mom (Some advice: Avoid the ever-popular game of I Can Cluck Like A Chicken Longer Than You Can and choose the Quiet Game as long as you can carry it off. If all else fails, a witty performance of "Cranky Pants" (to the tune of "Mary Had A Little Lamb:" as in "Why do you wear cranky pants?.... Breathe deep and count to ten.")will usually make even the most fried mom laugh--at least long enough for any kids in her vicinity to make themselves scarce.

Current moms and grandmoms--who tend to have LONG memories--will find this book a total hoot--for Mothers Day or any day. As Kirkus Reviews knowledgeably points out, "In this era of Tiger Mothers, attachment parenting, the mommy track and The Three-Martini Playdate, Cronin and Cornell's collaboration will strike a nerve with moms looking for a laugh and a bit of validation—if only they can find the time to read it!"
If you handle them correctly, tend to their basic needs (which are minimal) and refer to the care manual with regularity, you mom should be operating at peak performance for years to come.
*Batteries not included

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