School Express: Late for School by Steve Martin

"WOKE UP THIS MORNING...."

It's the classic opening line for a blues song, and this kid has got a right to sing the blues!

THE CLOCK SAID I WAS LATE FOR SCHOOL.

TEACHER TOLD ME THAT'S NOT COOL.

Our sleepy scholar yanks on his tee-shirt and shorts and dashes downstairs and out the back door, accidentally elbowing his granny right into her morning pie and Java. Too late for the bus, the kid takes all the known shortcuts, including logrolling on a float across his neighbor's pool:

JUMP ONTO A DIVING BOARD,
BOUNCING OFF IT AND HEADING TOWARD
A JUNGLE GYM, SWUNG JUST RIGHT,
AND CAUGHT ONTO A KITE.

WHOA! I'M FLYING UP SO HIGH!

Our kid makes the school and dashes through his classroom door just as the clock hits 8 A.M.--and, of course, there's no one there. It's Saturday. But you knew that!

Steve Martin's just published Late for School (Grand Central, 2010), based on one of the songs from his Grammy-winning album The Alphabet from A to Y (with Bonus Letter Z), suffers from transcription from catchy banjo song to text. Martin's scansion and rhyme scheme leave something to be desired, but his illustrator, C. F. Payne, more than makes up for this flaw by deftly capturing the rhythm and exuberance of Martin’s performance in his hilarious (and I mean really, really comic) cartoon portrayals of this earnest, jug-eared schoolboy who really, really tries to get to school on time. Payne's facial expressions and body language of our errant protagonist (and his blueberry-pie-faced granny) are priceless, raising this tale to the level of a must-have for the school stories shelf.

Which inspires me to versify. . .

But why...oh, why
Is Granny having pie
For breakfast?