Are We There Yet?: The Long Haul (Diary of a Wimpy Kid) by Jeff Kinney

The last thing I need is to turn into some kind of were-pig, because that could really mess up my dating life.

Mom took a look at my finger, and I could tell she was a little worried. She tried to find an emergency-care place on the GPS, but there was nothing in a fifty-mile radius. But she DID find a VETERINARIAN'S office five minutes up the road. A few minutes later we pulled into the parking lot.

A minute later Mom came back with a clipboard and some paperwork to fill out. All I can say is, I hope this stuff doesn't get filed on my permanent record. because if it comes up later in life, it could be embarrassing.

EMERGENCY PET CARE
Patient Registration

Pet's name: "Greg"
Owner's name: Susan Heffley
Species: Human
Last vaccination: January 12
History of worms? X Yes* (*as a toddler)
Last rabies shot: N/A
Spayed/Neutered? XNo

You'd think I'd get some priority as a human, but I got put behind a gerbil that swallowed a cigarette and a cat with its face stuck in a yogurt container.

Mom has been spending way too much time reading Family Frolic Magazine, and when school's out there's no deterring her plan for a fun-filled family road trip. She's got it all planned, but when the Heffleys stop at a roadside FUN FAIR, toddler Manny wins a piglet, and when the prize piglet tries to escape through the sun roof while Dad is driving and handing at hostile client from work, Greg grabs the pig and gets bitten. And that's the good part of the trip.

As only he can tell it, Jeff Kinney's latest in his best-selling Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (Amulet Books, 2014) may be the best Heffley saga yet. Once more the hapless middle child Greg plays straight man to one of the funniest family series of all of literature. (In less than a week, it's already #1 on Amazon's sales of all books!) Car breakdowns, the world's sleaziest motel, a piglet who figures out how to raid the mini-bar, and a series of perfectly normal mishaps take the family on the funniest car trip ever, and when the Heffleys finally limp home, towed by a couple of friendly, non-English speaking hombres, the car's leaking radiator patched together with glue and duct tape, Mom and Dad's credit cards, phones, and clothes supposedly stolen from their locker at Water World, and a pet piglet they can't seem to give away, it looks like home-sweet-home for the Heffleys for a long time.

Trust me, this one is as drop-dead funny as the earlier books, funny enough to make me laugh out loud, in my parka, in my chilly garage, late at night, into my second hour on an exercise bike! Although its target 'tweener audience will undoubtedly devour this one in one sitting, the humor in Kinney's artfully clever stick cartoons and this hilarious but somehow believable tale will tickle the ribs of anyone, kid, parent, or grandparent who has ever gone on an "eventful" family car trip.