School Rules: We Don't Eat Our Classmates by Ryan T. Higgins

Penelope Rex was nervous.

It's not every day a little T. Rex starts to school.

She's got all the necessary school gear. Mom's got her a new backpack and a cool Little Pony lunchbox, packed with 300 tuna sandwiches and a box of apple juice, and she's pretty in pink in her new overalls. But still Penelope worries.

"What are my classmates going to be like? How many teeth will they have?"

But it's Penny's classmates who should be worried. They are all children, and Penelope already knows one thing about children. They are tasty.

So she ate them!

Oops. Her teacher, Mrs. Noodleman, catches her in the act, one Kindergarten-sized shoe still dangling by its shoestring from her mouth.

"Spit them out," she orders firmly.

"We don't eat our classmates!"

A soggy group of kids, dripping disgusting pink-ish dino drool, re-appear, looking piteously at Mrs. Noodleman. Their parents apparently didn't warn them about being eaten for morning snack time.

Penelope pitches in to be a good sport at recess, but the sight of her, mouth wide open, at the bottom of the twisty slide, doesn't inspire confidence in her classmates. She finds that no one accepts her invitation to sit next to her at lunch. So far, making friends isn't on her menu.

After school Penelope reports sadly that no one at school would play with her.

"Sometimes it's hard to make friends, especially if you eat them," Dad points out.

That night Penny snuggles under her beloved pony coverlet (Ponies are tasty!) and thinks about her dad's advice.

But new Kindergartners often find it difficult to curb their impulses, and the new day doesn't start well.

"Mrs. Noodleman! Penelope ate William Omoto again!" someone tattles.

Understandably, the kids keep their distance from Penelope Rex. Lonely, she wanders over to where the class pet, Walter the Goldfish, is swimming happily in his bowl. Maybe at least Walter will be her friend. Penelope sticks one finger into the water.

Walter CHOMPS!

"WAAAHHH!" cries Penelope. "He's EATING my finger!"

Suddenly Penelope discovers the true meaning of the golden rule, in Ryan T. Higgins' latest giggle fest, We Don't Eat Our Classmates (Disney Hyperion Books, 2018). Higgins' best-selling picture books are small masterpieces of dramatic pacing and ironically hilarious illustrative style, and Penelope is a totally cute little T. Rex, a somehow sympathetic character despite that one bad predilection, and kids' tickleboxes will turn over as Walter the Goldfish pointedly delivers the denouement. School rules were never more fun.

Ryan T. Higgins is also the author of the top-selling hits, Mother Bruce, Hotel Bruce (Mother Bruce), and Bruce's Big Move (Mother Bruce) (see reviews here).

Getting By With A Little Help From My Friends! We Will Rock Our Classmates Ryan T. Higgins

Penelope was the only T-Rex in her school. Sometimes that made her stand out a little. And sometimes Penelope's classmates didn't see her at all. They just saw a dinosaur.

Like when Penelope wants to play dentist, her playmates get to be the dentists and she gets to be the ... dinosaur in the dental chair.

And the kid dentists are pretty picky about her dental hygiene.

"Have you been flossing? William Omoto's backpack is stuck in your teeth!"

But when their teacher Mrs. Noodleman tells them it's time to sign up for the big Talent Show, Penelope knows just what she wants to do. She wants to rock her crowd with her guitar! It'll be great--if she can just screw up the courage to sign up under the gaze of their class pet, Walter the Ferocious Goldfish!

But when she does sign up, she overhears her classmates wondering aloud if a dinosaur could even play guitar! Onstage she freezes up and fails the audition. Maybe dinosaurs can't rock and roll.

That night her parents notice that she's only eaten 54 burgers. The next day she sits alone on the bench during recess. Dinosaurs probably can't play Duck! Duck! Goose! either. She slips into the classroom and erases her name off the sign-up sheet.

But her dad guesses what is wrong, and pulls the old family photo album and shows her photos of her uncle the figure skater and her mom the marathon runner, and her dad the Champion Hamburger Eater of the World. All the family were dinosaurs, but they did lots of other stuff, and so can she!

"You're kind and caring and creative!" Dad tells her.

And the next day, Penelope puts on her pink tutu and cowboy boots and puts her name back on the sign-up sheet. Soon she has a fabulous four playing with her band  and rocking the whole school down as Penelope and the Mustard Seeds. She doesn't even mind coming in second to Mabel Haysting and Her Tap-Dancing Pony. Mmmm! Ponies!

Kindergarten is very educational, in Ryan T. Higgins' latest, We Will Rock Our Classmates (Penelope Book 2) (Disney Hyperion Books, 2020), the sequel to his hysterical best-seller, We Don't Eat Our Classmates! (Penelope Book 1). It's not Your Mama's Kindergarten with Penelope the T-Rex in the story circle, and kids will love to adjust to Kindergarten along with Penelope and all her delish, er, delightful classmates to get to know.

Ryan T. Higgins is also the author of the best-selling hilarious series about a grumpy bear and his imprinted flock of goslings in the Mother Bruce (Mother Bruce, Book 1) (Mother Bruce Series (1)).

Dino Dynamo! How to Be a T. Rex by Ryan North

"Hi! My name is Sal.

One day my teacher said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I said, "A TYRANNOSAURUS REX!"

Dream big, they say, and for Sal it's T. Rex all the way.

Her brother points out that nobody has ever grown up to be a T. Rex. Sal is not deterred.

"I'm gonna be the first!" she says.

Sal checks out her potential. Her teeth are definitely lacking in the sharp and pointy department. Her body is possibly too puny to keep up with T. Rex's reputation.

Sal tries roaring in the library. Not a great idea!

Maybe this plan needs more thought. After all T. Rexes have to live around humans. And they do have their limitations.

It's hard to express nice feelings when all you can say is ROAR!

Dinosaurs don't wear shoes. I have some RAD sneakers I kinda miss.

THINK BIG, they say. But who knew that being a dinosaur would have some serious downsides!

Sal settles for being a part-time T. Rex in Ryan North's latest, How to be a T. Rex (Dial Books, 2018). Noted artist Mike Lowery creates some humorous sight-gag illustrations of Sal's experiments as hybrid Dino/human in this quirky look at aspiring T. Rex-hood. Says Kirkus in their starred review, "Hilarious fun, emotionally poignant, and just a little bit sassy."

For more fun with the difficulties of being a dinosaur, share this one with Ryan T. Higgins' latest hit about the difficulties of T. Rex-hood, We Don't Eat Our Classmates

To Eat or Not To Eat! Eat Pete! by Michael Rex

PETE WAS PLAYING ON HIS BEDROOM FLOOR WHEN A MONSTER APPEARED AT THE WINDOW.

When he spots the monster, Pete is happy to see a potential playmate.

"HI!" SAID PETE. "DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?"

The monster clearly has another plan. He is very hungry and he only wants to do one thing!

EAT PETE!

Pete, however, is unperturbed, and even a young monster likes to play with cars, so the monster and Pete build roads and happily crash their cars. Then Pete suggests that they play pirates! Monster stifles his appetite and walks the plank like a good scalawag. Then Pete pulls out his blocks, and the monster forgets his hunger for the moment and builds a mighty castle.

Then Pete invites him to play super heroes. Suddenly the Monster is not in the mood for caped crusading. What he really, really, really wants to do is...

EAT PETE!

SO HE DID!

But now there's no one to play with. What's a lonely monster to do about this situation?

In Michael Rex's suspenseful conclusion, there are only two possible, er, outcomes. One is super sad, and the other is a bit gross, but all comes out well in the hands of a master picture book artist, in Michael Rex's Eat Pete! (Nancy Paulsen Books, 2018), a monster story with a surprise ending that will have preschoolers giggling and gasping "EEEUUUWWW!" at the same time.

Michael Rex, the author of the inspired best-selling spoof, Goodnight Goon: a Petrifying Parody (read review here), conjures up a cute/scary critter reminiscent of Maurice Sendak's in the classic Where the Wild Things Are, along with a polite protagonist who's ready to forgive and forget to gain a fun playmate. Rex's latest has perfect pacing for the maximum read-aloud impact, and his illustrations are pure silly fun. This is a great book for the scary season or any time a funny monster story is on the menu. Share this one with Ryan T. Higgin's latest, We Don't Eat Our Classmates(see review here.)

A Taste for Literature: Library Books Are Not for Eating by Todd Tarpley

THE DAY MS. BRONTE CAME TO SCHOOL, STORY TIME WAS EXTRA COOL.

But she had this unfortunate habit....

COULDN'T BEAT IT....

ONCE SHE READ A BOOK, SHE'D EAT IT.

The class was aghast. They loved their books. They felt they had to repeat that library books are not to eat!

Librarian McSmartly envisioned her book stock shrinking. What was Ms. Bronte thinking? Ms. McSmartly had to preserve her collection! MS. Bronte vowed to end her greedy prediliction. But on her way out, she gobbled a booktruck full of fiction.

Ms. Bronte promised to change her diet. The Lunch Lady dished her up stew and cottage cheese. But that didn't seem to please Ms. Bronte, who scarfed up all the kitchen's recipes.

Maybe big Coach Burley can could her straight--and alter the choice of what she ate. But the coach was more concerned that his soccer field needed mowing, which seemed to set Ms. Bronte's juices flowing! But after she ate Burley's book of soccer plays, she vowed to change her ways.

IT'S NOT THAT I FIND BOOKS SO YUMMY! BUT NOTHING ELSE HERE FILLS MY TUMMY!

Coach Burley offered Ms. Bronte a deal.... Make his overgrown playing field her daily meal!

Author Todd Tarpley's latest school story, Library Books Are Not for Eating! (Doubleday, 2020), fits right on the menu with last year's hit gustatory yarn, We Don't Eat Our Classmates by Ryan T. Higgins. (See my review here). Author Todd Tarpley is the past master of wordplay, rhymes, and comic plots, and Tom Booth's, er, tasteful illustrations make this one a humorous introduction for that first classroom lecture on library book care. Other hit books by Todd Tarpley are Beep! Beep! Go to Sleep! Naughty Ninja Takes a Bath, Three Grumpy Trucks, and his classic, Ten Tiny Toes.

Three's A Crowd! Norman Didn't Do It! (Yes, He Did!) by Ryan T. Higgins

Norman the porcupine is not really a normal porcupine.

NORMAN'S BEST FRIEND WAS MILDRED.

MILDRED WAS A TREE.

They spend a lot of time together, playing baseball and chess, and birdwatching. (Birds like Mildred, too.) Norman even reads her bedtime stories. They are a perfect pair.

Until one day, Norman noticed a seedling sprouting.

"WHO IS THAT?"

"IT WAS ANOTHER TREE!"

Their perfect pairing was no more. And as the little tree grew, he and Mildred grew close and closer. NOW it was a threesome. And one ominous day, Mildred and the other tree touched branches. Norman is jealous!

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!

By dark of night, Norman digs up the other tree, deposits him, root ball and all, into a wheelbarrow and pushes it through darkness until he comes to a lake. He rows to an island far out in the middle of the lake, where he digs a hole and re-plants the tree all alone.

THE OTHER TREE WAS GONE.

Norman and Mildred are a twosome again. But their easy companionship is gone. Mildred seems droopy. And Norman knows why.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

"WHAT IF IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO?"

Norman also worries that his perfidy might have been seen by someone else. It was dark, very dark, and he saw no one, so who could have observed his dastardly deed?

OMG!

"OH, NO! THE TREES!"

Norman knows what he must do and he does it, in Ryan T. Higgins' latest, Norman Didn't Do It! (Yes, He Did).

Author Higgins' reformed hero even finds that a treesome threesome can provide a good place to hang his hammock! Ryan T. Higgs is a prolific source of comic hits for the primary set, such as Mother Bruce (Mother Bruce, Book 1) (Mother Bruce Series, 1) and We Don't Eat Our Classmates! (Penelope).

Says Publishers Weekly in a starred review, "...an astute and endearing story of displacement anxiety.... Higgins knows exactly when to go in for a close-up and focus on Norman's comic sturm und drang. The porcupine is a protagonist that readers should find deeply relatable: reveling in unconditional love, prone to impulsiveness and rumination, and absolutely capable of self-redemption."

The Blowout! Bruce's Big Storm by Ryan T. Higgins

Bruce was not a bear who liked neighbors.

Actually, Bruce doesn't like anybody. In fact, Bruce is a curmudgeonly, self-centered, introverted bear who only likes one thing--hibernating solo.

He once liked eggs, but when he swiped Mrs. Goose's eggs from her nest and put them in a pan of water to boil, he hatched goslings, goslings who imprinted on him and, like it or not, he became... MOTHER GOOSE BRUCE.

Bruce may be anti-social, but he is dutiful. Now living in the North Woods with his brood and their mice pets, Bruce finds that even there he still has neighbors

But none of them stayed very long... until the day of the big storm.

While the winds roar and the tempest rages, all of Bruce's neighbors decide to take shelter in his house. It's a bit crowded. But then Nibbs the mouse spies a little rabbit outside in the storm and he and the duteous Bruce dash out with their umbrella to save the little fellow. But the wind catches the umbrella and the three are all airborne. Are Bruce, Nibbs, and the bunny on a one-way flight to Fairbanks?

It's the neighbors to the rescue, even when Bruce's cabin is blown away, in Ryan T. Higgins' latest installment in the saga of Mother Bruce, Bruce's Big Storm (Mother Bruce Series) (Hyperion, 2019). Ryan T. Higgins' illustrations of the perpetually grumpy but dogged Bruce never fail to get laughs from the picture book set. The New York Times best-selling author's wickedly funny cartooning scores again, just as it did in his super Kindergartner hit, We Don't Eat Our Classmates and the whole Mother Goose Bruce series. (Read reviews here.)