Yo HO HO! If You Ever Want to Bring a Pirate To Meet Santa... DON'T by Elise Parsley

If your dad says you're going to meet Santa, he means the bearded guy with the red suit with the bag full of treasures.

He doesn't mean that pirate guy!

When her dad takes her to meet Santa Claus, the last thing Magnolia dreams of doing is to shiver Santa's timbers. After all, he's the Christmas saint that kids await--good kids, that is, kids who are NOT on the NAUGHTY LIST. But Magnolia has a tendency toward, shall we say, gullibility? And when she meets a bearded guy in a red suit who wants to join the waiting tots, she decides to give him a cut in line.

Of course she does!

Dad tries to warn Maggie that pirates are pretty much ALL on Santa's naughty list, but she cross-her-heart promises she want let the pirate pillage or plunder at Santa's meet and greet. In fact, she turns down the elves who offer candy canes and warns the waiting kids of ...

TOOTH ROT!

But this crusty old pirate has other ideas. He sings bawdy buccaneer songs instead of "Jingle Bells" to the kiddies. He bellows at the timid tots who can't come up with a smile for the photo-elf's camera. Like Santa's dastardly doppleganger, he totally takes over St. Nick's wheelhouse.

And before you know it, Santa Claus will be walking the plank.

Yes, Santa takes a short walk on a short plank right into the mall fountain, but the pirate gets his comeuppance when he is forced to let the horde of sticky, cranky kids who missed Santa sit on his lap.  Will Magnolia ever learn to curb her impetuous urges?  In Elise Parsley's latest in series, If You Ever Want to Bring a Pirate to Meet Santa, Don't! (Magnolia Says DON'T!) (Little, Brown and Company, 2018),  bossy Magnolia never seems to learn, and in artist Parsley's riotous illustrations, there are plenty of pirate sight gags to keep kids merry in this Christmas season. Says School Library Journal, "You don't need to be a pirate aficionado to enjoy this outrageously naughty addition to the holiday shelves."

Others in this top-selling series are If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, Don't! (Magnolia Says DON'T!), and If You Ever Want to Bring a Piano to the Beach, Don't! (Magnolia Says DON'T!). (Read all reviews here.)